Flirting with Burnout

This will be my first term of school where I am supporting myself.

I will be in school for 13.5 hours a week, doing 27 hours of homework a week, and working 24 hours a week. Not to mention trying to find time to go to the gym and see my friends.

My #Project20 has not gone as well as I’d like, even though I’m eating well and biking every day. I need to lift weights. That starts next week when I get my membership to the gym at university.

All of that for 13 weeks, and then two weeks of studying for finals and working 32-40 hours a week in December.

My parents worry that I’m going to burn out.

I worry I’ll burn out.

But I really need to prove to myself that I can do this. I can get on the Honour Roll and support myself. I can still hold on to my dignity, health and independence.


Learning What Single People Do

I’m in month four of being a singleton. This is by far the longest I’ve ever been single. I’m not sure how I feel about it. It’s great, but it’s weird.

I came home today after work, around 6:30. I showered, because I was sweaty from riding uphill for 40 blocks. I ate a banana and some peanut butter, and then a bit more peanut butter, and then cursed at myself for consuming the extra pb because I’m trying to lose weight. Basically, I realized that most nights of being single are just as boring as they were when I was with the Ex. And I’m not sure if this is a reflection on the illness of the relationship, or my inability to get out there and do shit on a weeknight as a singleton. What do people who work a 9-5 job do when they get home? I don’t have TV, the internet only entertains me so much, and because I forgot my glasses at work I can’t read (this font is currently massive so I CAN read it).

I kind of want school to start already so I can at least keep busy “after hours”. Or expand my social network to more than a 10 min conversation with my landlord about UFC. Or finally get a membership to the on campus gym where I can get back to my 5×5 lifting (I feel disgusting you guys. I feel soft, and even though I’m biking 10km a day and eating well, I feel like I’m putting on fat or losing muscle.)

But I also just want the long weekend to happen so I can go off and have fun and not think about school or work for 4 solid days.

Do single people just try to date all the time? I don’t feel like I have the energy for that. To do the “what are your hopes and dreams” conversation more than once a week sounds…. exhausting. And I’m too much of an efficiency freak to want to put more effort in than is neccessary once I realize that I don’t want to take things further with the person. Like when I went on the 30 min date with Senor Pantalones Verde (Mr Green Pants) but that is a story for another post. Which I should write, because it’s kind of funny. Anyway, I should have left the moment I shook hands with the guy, but I didn’t. I wasted another 29 mins before finally pulling the plug.

Anyway… random thoughts for the night, since I have fuck all else to do. (I did tabata yesterday, I’m mildly stiff today, I will be very stiff tomorrow. I forgot how much working out sucks when you’re out of shape. I’m hoping the biking worked out some of the ‘ick’.)

Summer Update

Summer is quickly coming to a close, and while I’m kind of sad that I’ll have to pack away my shorts and tank tops, I’m looking forward to the new beginnings associated with September. (And laying my clothing and pumpkin/cinnamon everything)

I managed to move off the wait lists of doom and am now enrolled in a Kinesiology class, a math class and a chemistry class. Only three, but I think it’s a good amount of course work for a transition term. I didn’t need to take 5 classes per term anyway, so it works out perfectly. I’m waiting to see if I’ll get knocked off the wait lists for math and chemistry for the January term. Fingers crossed.

Life in the dating scene… is… well, y’know. Boring? I shouldn’t say boring. The local scene is boring. Men are stand off-ish, and online dating is strange to me. I’m still seeing The American. He is lovely. I get to see him once or twice a month usually, but we talk daily. It’s one of those we-shall-see-where-it-goes kind of things. I’m guarded, but I’m excited about him. Does that make sense? No? Okay, nevermind.

Work has been a roller coaster of Bullshit, capital B. You can read about the company I work(ed?) for HERE and HERE. The Vancouver studio didn’t get paid like we were supposed to on Aug 7th, we all walked out that Friday, didn’t come in Monday. Got a new contract from the new company that had bought the old one… got our paycheques on the Tues. The whole transition process is a cluster fuck and no one seems to know what’s going on.

Basically I have another week left of this nightmare and then I get to go back to school, AND I start work at another studio, one who isn’t going bankrupt and will actually pay its employees on time. The downside? They took away the coffee machine the other day! Lucky for me, Gastown has a plethora of cafes to choose from.

I’m also officially off the mortgage. Huzzah! And now I can finally apply for a visa and a student line of credit.

This has been a twisty, turny, bendy, jumbly, fucked up, upside down summer. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had a blast for the most part. But there’s always been that work/school admin stuff to deal with. But life is good, I am good. And I’m happy.

I’m super excited to see what September has to offer me.

#Project20 is still going

It’s been a full week (maybe a bit more?) of biking 18km total (11 miles) to and from work. My legs are no longer jelly when I step off the bike, and my sit bones are almost un-bruised now.

I’m forcing myself to bike to and from work every day in Aug, by not buying a bus pass. And it’s actually working out for the best. I can get to work quicker than if I bused, and even though I’m sweaty and gross when I finally do get to work, I have a face cloth I can wipe my body down with, some dry shampoo and face wash to freshen up, and a brush to make sure I don’t look like a homeless person.

I don’t know if there’s much of a difference in how I look, but I feel better.

My knee is still clicky as all hell and aches when I walk downhill, BUT! But…. I can sit cross legged now, so that is a sign that things are getting better. Right?

I’ve been meaning to start doing some tabata or HIIT training while at home during the evenings when it cools down, but when I get home at 6pm, all I want to do is shower and eat. And then… well I’m clean, why would I want to get sweaty again? I need to force myself to do some work outs before I do anything else when I get home. Even if it’s just 20 minutes.

I’m already in my damn work out clothes for fuck’s sake.


#Project20 – Day Whatever

I stopped going to the BJJ gym about two weeks ago. Today would be the last day of my membership anyway. It’s mostly because I’m so uncomfortable stepping foot in the BJJ gym that I’d rather not be there. I keep hearing of some not great things happening there and I don’t want to be associated.

I’m still eating very healthy, and the weight is coming off slowly but surely. I keep thinking I should take up running or something because it’s free and easy to do. But I hate it, and it hurts my knee.

I went rock climbing (bouldering) last weekend with The American, and that was fun. My lats were a little sore, but they’re good now.

I’ve been biking to and from work all week as well! 8.5km each way with about 2/3 of that uphill on the way home. Which makes for a bit of a slow grind, but I’m sure in time my legs will thank me. My bike is a bit heavy, it’s a mountain bike/commuter hybrid type thing, and I’m looking to upgrade to a road bike at some point.

I’ve been using Google Tracks to time myself and I think I’m making pretty good time. It took me 32 mins to get to work this morning, and that was a slow grind up the first 1/3, and then on the 2/3 of going downhill I seemed to hit every possible red light. But I clocked 37km/hr (23mph) at one point, so that’s pretty neat.

The best part is that it takes me 30 mins to get to work via bike, and 45 mins on the bus. So I get an extra 15 mins of sleep! Because that’s what counts right?

It’s really more like… 15 mins at work to sponge bath and wash my face though. It’s been a bit hot, and it seems like as soon as I get off the bike I’m drenched in sweat.

So that’s where I’m at now. Biking about an hour a day, wishing I could do BJJ but can’t, contemplating running, and thinking about how I can lift weights without going to a gym.

Still trying my best to eat well.

#Project20 – Day 9

Well some good news. I’m down 3lbs from the start, I feel a bit “tighter” over all, and I squatted 100lbs, instead of 70lbs for 5 sets of 5 . I did this after a hard class of BJJ and it was still surprisingly easy. My legs are not sore at all this morning. So I apparently can do another set, add more reps, or add more weight. I still don’t know what my PR is, and I don’t want to find out until I have a spotter or until my knee isn’t in pain.

I didn’t do the bench press because even though the weight is low, I don’t want to do it by myself. Just a bit nervous. And I didn’t do that row because I was actually really tired from BJJ anyway.

I have to go grocery shopping at Costco tonight. It’s been a while, and I’m out of fruits and veggies. My poor empty bag of spinach. I’m also going to buy more tupperware so that I can make a few lunches in one go for the week.

I’m also switching BJJ schools for the last month before school. Some not great things have reached my ears and I’m not comfortable training there. Beyond that, I won’t be able to afford it come fall when I won’t be working. I’m hoping to still have a regular gym I can go to so I can still work out and stay healthy.

We shall seeeee.

Today is a rest day because I have errands I have to run. And I had to wash my gis and stuff last night and it’s still not dry. Oops.